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Subject:epiphanies
Time:07:22 pm
So,I relocated few old friends...Ex Bf...and what I found out was that i made all the wrong choices in name of what I thought is good for others...(family and friends) and I never put myself first.Now .when is my life is almost over is really ironic to be slapped in the face by my self sacrifice... Uh
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Subject:October fest of cry
Time:12:38 am
Current Mood:depresseddepressed
It's been months since I wrote an entree.But nothing major (good happened) ,same hustles,frustrations
Same struggle to lose weight.very slow and" painful" process and with allergies to fight almost on daily basis.
Summer is over and I started to like fall. It fits more my mood:sad and thinking that death is not so bad after all. Not that I am suicidal but looking at the sense of life (mine especially) the fact is that nothing good lies ahead.What little was "good" is gone and I can't foresee any miracles to make up for all the shit I've been trough.I'll just get older with more health issues,more lonely and more poor.Against aging is no cure and I will not have any wealth insurance for years to come.Kids are getting older and they want to have their own lives away and apart of mine.My daughter is still around but one day she'll grow wings.Is not fair to be otherwise ,but is not fun at all. And than comes the marriage issue.Nothing but aggravations that just bring back all the bad memories associate with hubby.. The book sales is a bust and I am at a point that I can't really make any money.Even E bay became a very hard place to compete with bigger companies that sale there too and deal with people that look for only chip bargains .So I am kind of at the end of my rope:not a very good place to be.
My son became very cocky,more rude and selfish than ever.He found somebody with a kind of complicated situation and I don't think that helps either .He became even a bigger pain!
My daughter is still sweet but sometimes she gives me "attitude" for no reason.That brings me back to reality : I have no life
I wish I had some friends closer by to have some fun...
Hubby with his circle of friends suck so much that I rather be alone than be in their stupid company. They all are very "opinionated"and "critical " towards everything.Intolerant and gossiping .Pure dumb too but willing to do anything for money.
And hubby:I can't stand him and I wonder how come I put up with his shit for so long ?
Destiny, I guess.When I married him I thought that if things will not work out I will divorce him.Though luck:I never could .

And men in general: so far I never met a"good" one and probably I will never do.They ,if such a specimen exists in my age range,are not around here...Or maybe my" soul mate " wasn't never born..LOL
So yeah,probably I will cease to write since is nothing to brag about and nobody cares anyway,,,
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Time:01:52 am
It's been a while but nothing spectacular happen. Same struggles. At least one good thing happen: changed my medication,got on diet and now I am feeling much better.Turned out I was over medicated... Ijust needed to lose some weight
On the other hand I keep trying all kind of approaches in promoting my work. So far no results.
As a consolation "price"I got myself a bunch of b stuff ,so I am broke but "elegant"..LOL
I am frustrated and bored, but I guess I have to suck it in. My personal life is over for years now,and probably this is "it" !Sad but true:"All dressed up..." but nobody cares!

Probably I'll stop writing here too. Nobody reads my entries and I don't need anymore this kind of "therapy"...I came to terms with my predicament...
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Time:12:41 am
Current Mood:anxiousanxious
OK. all the holidays ,birthdays,anniversary are over. I am afraid to step on the scale despite my dieting efforts. But tomorrow is" another day " and hopefully more successful.
Next week I have to go again see a doctor and maybe be lucky enough to get a" cure" for my predicaments.We'll see last trip was totally useless and had to reschedule.

I sold at least couple of ebooks this month on Amazon but I am totally confused about getting the $ for them and the few others I think I sold in previous month(s)??...
I don't know if is a good sign or God is just teasing me...Eh..
I've got a set of mood ring and earrings in sterling silver... Anniversary kind of gift and I started feeling kind of anxious...Buyers regret ? NO! Just all the shit that lies ahead..I guess...
I really need HELP !!!
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Time:05:14 pm
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
So looks that we didn't have winter or spring-jumped into summer.Weird weather -but I'm not complaining,Weirder are people... So I gave away over 1000 ebooks world wide ,but not a single comment/review...! Got few lousy sales afterwards and now,again, nothing for weeks.Next month my short stories will be available on BN.com too and I'll try another round exclusively with AMAZON just with my novel.I'll give away some more one more time and than I'll make it available ,in fall ,on BN.com too.Looks now NOOK became more popular.
So ,I don't expect any miracles anymore. Looks I am cursed nothing to work for me to succeed no matter what I try.
On the other level: I've got one more year to figure out my life without my son being much around.He postponed for now, his moving out till next year when he will have to go to Indianapolis' Med School anyway and probably he'll never move back with us again.I am happy for him but sad that I am left "behind" in a crappy situation .Fortunately ,for now I have my daughter around, but we'll miss him nevertheless.
What else?
I am dreaming of going somewhere in a nice summer vacation ,but for now is just a dream unless some of my stuff sells....
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Time:01:58 am
Current Mood:gloomygloomy
After giving away worldwide almost 900 ebooks I finally sold few.It was a short lived happiness..After a couple of days I realized that I was gypped even from those few dollars and payed only a fraction from the measly "royalty" I was supposed to get anyway. Got one stupid dollar and lots of broken dreams!
Than, when I was put in a sticky situation ,I realized how poor I am : ordering just one picture from my son's "white coat ceremony" it hit me.I felt bad towards my son :I didn't want to disappoint him by not ordering , but in the same time ,I almost cried.Not about spending the stupid money for a great memento, but because I can't afford more being so freaking poor !
By the way : is anybody reading any of my entries ?
Do I have any friends left ?
Maybe I should quit LJ...
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Time:02:00 am
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
"2012 is here!Some see it as the end of the world ,some as the end of a dark era and the beginning of something better.I chose the second and started the year full of hope that getting my books on Amazon will propel my career as a writer.Everything is possible with a "little" luck.So ,as they :say "hope dies last"..a girl can dream... LOL .But seriously,I hope ,at least some of the problems to be left behind.
The most urgent is ,though,to get new lenses/glasses because I feel I am going blind because of the blur caused by all the scratches.I hope everything works out and this week I'll go for it and maybe for contacts too!
Otherwise same BS :just chores and boredom."
For whatever reason this wasn't posted...Following are the updates:


I ordered my new glasses and contacts and got a bad allergy in the process. I've got well just in time for my birthday.Was a nice day: snowed in as usual but without "incidents".
My ebook business is stalling big time.I gave away over 750 "copies" to Kindle readers through promotions and didn't got a sole "comment".Tonight I cut prices 50 % and I'll have few more promotions in the near future but looks it is in "GOD's hands "as they say.And ,so far,I can tell, he doesn't like me too much...
Hope The Year of the Dragon to be as good as they predict: is about time to be successful and happy !I am almost broke (again)and I really need some self esteem booster too.
I wonder if anybody reads my entries ... ? I feel I am fading away on all levels.
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Time:04:45 pm
Well the year is almost over ! Good riddance ! Hope next week ends up the torment with my son' s driving situation. I hope his car wouldn't give up now that he will have his driver's licence back.With my luck might happen and than I will have to give him my car!

Anyway today I snapped and told hubby a piece of my mind regarding the whole home front situation...Didn't change anything but at least he knows I am not an idiot he can manipulate endlessly .I was once but I wised up...LOL..Not that it does me any good now.
So yeah.. .I need new glasses.Mine are all scratched up, "blurry" type of scratches...I think i would need over 500 for that( maybe contacts too...)Uh...Ebay you can do it ! haha...
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Time:06:14 pm
Current Mood:mischievousmischievous
WOW! I just found out that hubby is really considering leaving me and is talking about it to different people.First I thought he is just blowing steam but lately looks like he is "cooking " something being gone most of the time away from home. I hope he does it and he does it soon .I can't stand him anymore : good riddance to bad rubbish!It is great that he stopped being possessive and doesn't think of killing me anymore if I leave him as he expressed his "love" in the past.
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Time:02:29 am
Current Mood:depresseddepressed
I find myself back where I started: broke and depressed.E bay sucks and looks I am "cursed " :nothing really works for me as supposed to. I feel so tired...
Hubby spoils any attempt of even being at peace... No fun ,just same BS everyday.
I had some "excitement"for a while selling and buying stuff but was a pathetic way of enjoyment.That's over too, so not much to look forward ,no much incentive to wake up in the morning.I am only compelled to hide under covers from hubby's tantrums.Ironic he invaded my dreams too with his negative vibes:no place to hide !
Meh....
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